Divorce Deeply

Reflect





For Peace of Mind

Respect





For Dignity

Release





For Kindness

Elements of a Sacred Divorce

Reflection and Self Care

Divorce is an exhausting transition for most people.  Don't underestimate the amount of "down time" you will need.  Give yourself plenty of time to do nothing, if you can. It's called reflection time. It's how our deep psychic heals itself during a harrowing life journey. 


Even if you don't want to: drink lots of water and and walk outside in the fresh air everyday.  You must treat yourself well. 


Declutter

As we transition out of one phase of life into the next, it's best to treat this time as a time of decluttering.  Let go of what shouldn't be carried forward into your new dream and vision of life.  Don't pack around stuff as if you are the curator to a private marriage museum. 


Principles of feng shui advocate for cleaning up your possessions as a good way to clean up your thinking and feelings. 

Find New Allies

Sometimes people you don't know are the ones best able to support you the most profoundly during break up transition. That's what happens when we leave the familiar for the unknown. Open yourself to the possibility of loving allies and the fact your regular friends and family may be suffering and won't be good at supporting you.


Sometimes a good ally is found in a good book or podcast.  Online support is still support.  

Find New Dreams

Life is lived best when you have an inspired story to live for.  The deepest seeds of story emerge slowly. Look for clues in what attracts and pulls your attention. What is calling you from deep below or high above? Who and what do you want to be and do next with your precious life?

Plan a Ceremony

Do you recall ever feeling a wonderful, resonance at a holiday or at a special meal at a loved one's home. This happens when life is particularly meaningful, poignant, or harmonious.  We can facilitate these transcendence experiences by purposely planning a ceremony or ritual to honor life.  Even if we are feeling cruddy to begin with.  A ritual or ceremony can draw forth our highest self and help us rise above  divorce pain. 

Say Goodbye

Take time together with your dearly departing partner to express gratitude and honor for the loving times you shared together.  Say goodbye with grace, tenderness and honesty.  The best post-divorce couples and family's take the time to appreciate what was good about the past and honor their spouse with words of kindness, depth and heart. Be the first to apologize and accept responsibility for your shortcomings during the marriage. 

Be Alone

It is essential when we are transitioning through a great life change to be kind to yourself and spend as much time as you need alone out of the eyes of the world. Accept loneliness and find comfort in activities you love doing or feel an urge to do. Like Sleeping. 

Retell Your Story

Imagine being in the pre-life place watching from above before diving into this new life you have now.  How did you get to where you are now?  From that pre-life spring board what makes sense about your current divorce?  How can you put this break up in context of your larger life mission and journey?

Feel All Your Feelings

Feelings are good, even bad ones.  Feelings sometimes take an extremely long time to release but they will eventually move on if you feel them, acknowledge them and treat them with dignity and honor. Acting out our feelings safely in a contained situation is a good way to get them to move along quicker. Try journaling, or aggressively chopping some wood.

Waiting for the New Beginning

Each relationship death is a new beginning. Like seeds, we often don't see the work of birthing the new. Seeds ferment and sprout in the unseen cold, wet, and dark.  Just like new phases of life, can you be patient with what is to emerge before you fully know it is arriving?  What great welcoming can you give your new life?  How can you leave room for something wonderful to be planted into the garden of your life? 

Laugh at Your Cosmic Joke

Divorce is like a cosmic joke we play on ourselves. We entered a loving bond and now its gone. We hoped for connection and then lost it.  It's such a sad twist and in reality you made some mistakes in that relationship. Maybe many.  How can we live with such horror that we created situations that lead to a break up?  Laughter is a good way.  Can you at least laugh about your mistakes now? Maybe that relationship wasn't meant to last and that's the joke on us. Maybe you don't need to take that lost love so seriously. Maybe that relationship had a natural shelf life that has expired.  

Deeply Learn

Relationships teach us lessons. What can you learn from this one that is ending?  What did you do well?  What in your relationship repertoire needs improvement?  What new skills do you need to develop?  What should you never do again? Why her/him? Why now? What next? What do you know now that you didn't know then? What would you tell your younger self?  What does your older self want you to know now?  So many questions to journal about or to explore with a friend or your therapist.  This is a good time to dig through the rubble for wise insights.